Fatigue, Made Worse by Physical Exertion or Stress
This isn’t a sleepy fatigue, this often isn’t even a flu fatigue. For me it’s a “I feel like I’ve had the flu day in and day out for 30 some years and haven’t had a good nights sleep ever” kind of fatigue. It’s exhaustion, it’s having to rest after just taking a shower, or taking the dog out, or folding clothes. It’s an exhaustion that keeps me home nearly 99% of the time and keeps me primarily socially isolated aside from email and facebook.
It’s being so exhausted that you’re not sad when you can’t go somewhere, instead you’re happy you didn’t have to endure going. It’s not depression, though that may be an issue at times too, but for me it’s muscle weakness, lack of coordination, major brain fog, and often the inability to think or even speak.
It’s waking up everyday and writing out what I am going to do that day. Things that take the most effort and coordination get scheduled around noon, which is when I’m most alert (if you ca even call it “alert”). Everything else is sorted by time and requirements of mental and physical competency. I schedule based on how much energy it takes me, knowing I have very limited energy to work with and I want to make sure I still have sometime leftover in the evening in case of an emergency. I have 1 maybe 2 hours to get EVERYTHING done.
I know if I get too exhausted during the day, I won’t be able to watch Netflix in the evening. Why? Because I may be to tired to keep my eyes open but not enough to fall asleep, so it’s just me and the pain with nothing to distract me from the pain.
Or it may be I’m so exhausted I cannot remember character names, have the attention to follow the plot, and end up just confused and frustrated. Times like those I actually have designated TV shows I watch that I have seen a hundred times and know inside and out so I don’t get confused or cranky.
I’m talking about a level of exhaustion that makes it impossible to leave the house sometimes, and sometimes, even leaving my bed. What happens if the exhaustion gets to bad…..? The complete inability to move at all, or even open my eyes. Think “whole body paralysis” but you still feel ALL of the pain. If the house caught on fire I would die in it.
First your lower body goes, then your upper body. It’s a scary thing to have happen at home, but terrifying if you are alone outside of the home. Something I know all to well from personal experience. Something I have vowed to never let happen again, and has not for many, many years.
It’s an exhaustion that leaves you in a reclining position most of the day because you are to tired to hold up your own head.